Coming Home...

I've been home for about a week now. I wanted to wait to do my last post so that I could update people on what home was like. The first week was honestly spent running around and seeing all my friends and family I have missed for the past 5 months. Being back home however is not all cream and peaches. The last week has been really hard, getting back into the old routine of work and school. I miss working for a purpose in Kenya. I really loved the work I did there. I felt as though I was making a difference.
It was great to surprise everyone (for those of you who don't know, I came home a week early). The looks on peoples faces were priceless. It's so good to know I was missed so much.
My last few days in Kenya were very very sad but also very joyful. I had a wonderful "farewell party" that my Dad and Sue put on for me. Almost everyone who was important to me in my time in Kenya got to be there. There are the pictures from the party, so you all get to see the people I have been talking about for so long now!




This is Danson and Shiro, two really great friends of mine

Ronald (brother) and his girlfriend Jackie







Christian (a Daystar Student who lived with me for the first 2 months)



Peris (the lead Mahali Pa Watoto teacher) what a great woman!

This is the great Gibson family. They really took me into their home. Fed me and let me be a kid with their kids.











This is Annabelle (who also lived with us for a short time) and Agnus (my sister and our househelp)







The meeting of generations! Nkita, who was once hosted by my grandparents, my father, me, and Nkita's two sons, Ronald and Emile.

Tina, who also welcomed me into her home, she was so kind

Where Have You Been, My Passion

Time is really flying and I'm almost done with this chapter of my life. I decided I am in denial about leaving here! (That is my coping mechanism) I feel happy here, like I have life figured out and my feet finally on the ground. Sigh, my grandmother was right when she told me, "Atara, Africa will get into your heart and soul." O how it has!
News of the week:
I am sick, again! I went to dinner at a woman named Mama Karen's home. (people commonly refer the themselves in reference to their children as a sign of pride that they have kids) She is a very sweet woman who works in connection to Mahali. I went to her house for an early supper. I sat and talked with her husband about theological matters and our views of God, while Mama Karen cooked. As we sat and chatted I listened as Mama Karen slaughtered one of her chickens in the back room. Yes, that's right, I could here the squawks as she killed the thing for me! Then we ate and it was really good, unfortunately it made me sick. But their family is so kind and even sent me away with a bag of produce to take home.
This happened last week but Julia and I were in a matatu accident. I knew it was going to happen eventually, those guys drive like mad men! We were overtaking another vehicle but didn't get back on our side of the road quickly enough. So the oncoming car clipped the side of us. We skidded a bit and thankfully didn't overturn. I hit my head but I'm fine. Julia and I got out, a little shaken, and walked the rest of the way home. Trust me, it sounds more dramatic than it was. I thank God that his hand was protecting us.
This is Jules, her sister Jude, and mother. We went
over for lunch at her mother's home.

This is Julia and I looking oh so grown up at Sandra's dinner party

I decided to make a list of all the things I love, and don't really love all too much, about Kenya! Here it goes, I feel this will give you a view into my life here.

Things about Kenya that rock:

hiking volcanoes
chipatis (the Kenyan tortilla)
matatu (my means of transport) music
clubbing til dawn
amazing tailors
Jules! (and of course other friends)
chai (tea) all the time
the best weddings
Mahali Pa Watoto
not going to school
unpredictability
life is relaxing, unhurried, and peaceful

Things about Kenya that kinda suck:

lack of good ice cream
the roads
matatu accidents
power rationing and droughts
Jay (our stupid cat)
bug bites

Things I hate about Kenya:

skuma wiki (this cooked spinach stuff, so gross)

and here is a little post from a poem I wrote a few weeks ago. It captured what I was experiencing then.

Where have you gone
my inspiration, my muse
my heart, my soul, my will
Where have you been, my passion
I haven't been able to get the words out since you went away

Chocolate cake & Simplicity

I never know how to start my little write ups. I suppose I'm should write some deep insight but as of now I have none.
This week has been really good and (to my glee) pretty uneventful. We celebrated Julia's birthday!!! We had chocolate cake, which is a very special treat here. Kenyan cake is not sweet at all and they love to put bits of dried fruit in it, yuck.
The weather is quickly changing here. The coolness in the is quickly evaporating and heat is rolling in. I am not complaining, having missed all of my California summer, I crave the warmth. It however does bring the bugs, that I will complain about. They love to eat me alive, it's my sweet blood!
Nearing my return date home I have very mixed feelings. I have found my place here and that makes it hard to leave. I look forward to the one's I love but when I look past that I become concerned. Back to the books, back to the classes, back to work, back to stress.
Here I have found such peace. I woke the other morning and the sun was so bright and the air fresh. I felt I had never been happier than reading my book and enjoying my tea. Simplicity.

The kids were sent some lollipops from our Vineyard Church in Pomona.
The enjoyed them :)
Best story of the week. I was talking to Agnus (our house help), trying to figure out here last name. So I asked her, "Agnus, what is your family name?" My question was answered with a blank stare, she doesn't speak very much English. So to further explain I gave her example, "Ok, ok, Atara...Brown... Agnus...What?" Still looking a bit unsure she stammered, "Agnus......Black!"
Hahahahahhaha o Agie, she thought I was referring to the color of my skin. Miscommunications are great.

Last few days at Mahali

On a lighter note, this week has been super busy with finishing projects, starting new ones, and hanging out with friends! Julia's birthday was this weekend and the girls went out on the town!



This doesn't happen often but this is me working at my desk. Normally I'm out hiking about to find someone's home but now I'm working on putting the kid's files together.




This is a slum community (about a 7 km walk from the school!) where one of our students lives. After the post election violence many had to flee their homes and were placed in villages such as these. One of our students and his family were victims of the violence and don't know if they can ever return home, they live here in a semi-permanent structure unsure of where they will go next.

Where is time going???
This week it my last at Mahali and I am so very sad. The only way I can describe my time at Mahali is beautiful. It truly has been the perfect internship. I have been able to get an inside view of the lives of my children, my co-workers (the teachers) have embraced me as one of their own and I walk away not only having blessed good people but also being blessed in the process.

Somewhat jokingly but half serious I have been offered a job at Mahali as a teacher! (Something to think and pray heavily about) The project I have been working on for them (family data intake) they are now doing each time they get new students, its awesome to see that the work I have been doing has been pratical.

This week has been a series of insights and my heart feel constantly torn now between home and Nairobi. Sometimes I miss home and my loved ones terribly and some days I am so content being here and working. I have realized how strong I am through my time here but also how weak I am and (as my mother put it) interdependent on my family.
It's funny I heard a phrase this week someone said, "I didn't create this world, I was given it." I thought how true that was to my situation here. Unlike home I didn't create my world here in Nairobi I entered into it, unable to control what this world was like around me. But when I thougth about it again I did create the little new world for myself. Everyday I was given a series of choices to close myself off or enter into this new life. With a little help I created a beautiful world here that is not closed to the pain around me but I can acknowledge it and still find hope. And hope I was given, with that hope we are able to find beauty.
-a

Here are some pictures from our climb up Mt. Longonot (an extinct volcano)
1 hour 1/2 up







The hard core people then went 1 hour 1/2 around the crater


The top of the top




Filthy dirty, we were covered head- to- toe in dirt!
What a crazy few weeks it has been. Julia my roommate from LA Term arrived and is staying with me for a few weeks until we can find her a homestay.
Mahali is back in session so I spent some time there this week. It's so good to be back with the kids. I only have about 8 homes to visit and I'm all done there!

This next month I will be working on community networking and mobilizing project. For this project the idea is to do research in a community and connect life giving organizations credit for what they do. Also the research will benefit the community because they now know what organizations they have in their area. I'm very excited to continue getting out into the neighborhood and interviewing more residents.

Besides that life feels pretty normal here. Which is funny because I feel like that is a sign that I am doing well and fitting in. It's hard to believe I only have 2 months and I head home. Very bittersweet I miss home (well the people I love anyway) and I do miss the ease of life. But it is true what they say about Africa grabbing your heart. I know that when I leave Nairobi I am going to realize how much this place has taught me.
Keep you posted
a

I can't believe almost a month has gone by since I've posted anything! So sorry, sometimes I don't know where time goes.
What have I been up to???

Well the Worship team from Pomona came in about 2 weeks ago. It was really good to see some old faces. Terry Butler (Pomona Worship Leader) his niece Carrie and Chris Davis (Pomona Drummer and old friend) came for the national worship conference. We spent the week with Kenyans from all over the nation! Lots of dancing and good music.
One night Carrie, Chris and I talked til 3:30 in the morning about life, beliefs, the church today and all that good stuff. It was really awesome to be able to connect and I couldn't help but think THIS is what the church should be like.



The conference kick started my next project, my global study project. Basically what I am doing is conducting research and interviewing people on the affects of Westernization on the African church focused in the area of worship. The conference was great because I got people from all over the country in one spot, it simplified my life alot. The results from my interviews really surprised me but I'm finding God usually works that way, breaking down all our assumption and presuppositions.

Finally on to the last part of the last few weeks, safari #2! Saw pretty much everything. We prayed and I think God rewarded us for our hard work in the previous week. I now have seen all of the big five: lion, elephant, water buffalo, rhino, and leopard. The most exciting thing for me has got to be the lions. No matter how many times I have seen them I am never cease to be amazed at their size. It's also crazy to be so close with nothing but glass standing between you and those teeth. Talk about accelerated heart rate!


Hippo River with Dad

The Crew



Lastly I have to mention I am super excited about the arrival of Julia this week! Julia was was my roommate for LA Term and she is wonderful. Over the last year she has become one of my best friends. It is gonna be so nice to have someone here who really understands everything there is to process when living in a place very different from home.
Although it's been a rough road (been here for 3 months now) I think it was a process I had to do on my own. For lack of a better term, I've "grown up" alot.
love love love
a

Coming, but mostly goings...

These are some pictures from our day trip to Nakuru National Park. One of Kelsey's last days in Kenya...



Nakuru is famous for its 1.5 million flamingos

Were going to have lunch until this guy decided he would like to join us, baboons are not known for their table manners.



sigh.
Baby sister went home earlier this week. It was so nice to have a piece of home around for a while. Went back to Nkita's crazy household and found everyone else moving out. Nkita left for Mombasa early this morning. Agnus went upcountry to visit her family. Christian is moving back to school campus tomorrow. And that leave me! In a big house, alone!
Thankfully Annabelle (another Day star student) is moving in. It's been a trying week, filled with frustrations (about school and graduating on time) and feeling of loneliness with everyone going. I've been thinking about how funny life is and how it never goes the way we expect it to or plan it to be. Yet it somehow works out anyway. So I'm holding onto that.
This month is also vacation for the kids of Mahali. They had their last day Friday and I made them a special treat, fruit salad! (3 guys on the matatu asked me if they could have some, LOL) My focus is now switching from the kids to my new project for the month which is the affects of westernization on the African church, specifically in the area of worship. Next week we have worship leaders from all across Kenya (and some flying in from the States) coming here! So I have to rush around to get all my interviews in before they leave.
Yesterday I went to a soccer game, Kenya vs. Brazil. Total madness but awesome. Met some new friends, got stranded for a while, went to a random graduation party, met some more new friends, finally got home, ate some chicken, and went to sleep! Busy day.
Nairobi is beginning to become more familiar than ever. The weather is FINALLY starting to warm! And I'm relaxed.
a

Safari!

Just got back from our 3 day trip into the wild bush of Africa. What an adventure! It was nice to finally get out of the city and away from all the noise. I didn't really realize how loud it was until I got out into the quiet.
The camp we stayed in was beautiful, it was called Kibo. The last night the Maasia dancers performed, Kelsey convinced me to get up and dance with them. Honestly though it was one of the most fun things I have done thus far.
We saw all the animals we wanted (except for a rhino, which we will see next week in Nakuru). The highlight had to be seeing a lioness hunting early this morning. The last 2 days we spent looking for some big cats which are very rare to spot. Finally our last morning we set out for a place called the palms where they are known to hang out. Sure enough after being on the road for about an hour, a beautiful lion came across our path.
We parked and watched as she sauntered by looking very determined. She was no more than 30 feet away from our car! Since the car was off and all the windows were down, if she decided she wanted us for breakfast it would have not been hard. She moved so effortlessly and with such grace. She crossed the road in front of us looking determined. We watched her as she crept up to a herd of wildebeest. As she crouched behind some bushes I thought we are not about to see her kill something right now???
It was a very National Geographic moment. The lioness leaped from the shrubs onto the back of the wildebeest and took him down in a frenzy of dust. For the next 10 minutes we watched in awe as she bit his neck and killed him. She then dragged her prey into the shrubs so the hordes of people couldn't watch her eat breakfast.
It was so amazing to see the power of such an animal. Obviously my words couldn't capture such a moment but it is an image that I will never forget.
Here are the pictures, they take FOREVER to upload with this internet so check them out on my page.
still in awe
a


http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=3720704&albumId=3271009

Healing wounds

It was a fairly uneventful week... besides that MY SISTER IS HERE!!!!
I was just a little excited in case you couldn't tell. So last night she stayed with my African family and we went to church with my mom here, Nkita. And got a flat tire on the way, in typical African tradition we gathered a large, gawking crowd as five men attempted to put our spare on. Hilarious.
Church was not as long as we had anticipated but we of course were the only wazungus (white people) in the entire building and thus stood out a bit. The pastor then asked any new visitors to stand and Kels and I were the only ones standing. The choir then proceeded to sing (quite a long song) to us as we stood. We walked home, chomping on some sugar cane. A truly African day!
Tomorrow the four of us leave for Kibo for safari! Hopefully we see lots of crazy cool animals and get to relax together.
Going through this whole process (being in a foreign land alone and all that) I really feel I have grown up so much. I have a clearer vision for things I want and don't want in my life. Although I love being somewhere else it has been immensely hard to be far from my friends and family. To be honest, I don't know if I could do this for a living. This thought haunts me because this is what I always thought my life would look like. It is one of those things that will take time to work out. I have learned since I've been here that I lack patience and I tend to jump into decisions. Pole! Pole! as they say here, which means Slow down! I think my time here has been one of healing. I have already gained some much wisdom, restoration for my soul, and mending for my heart.
Most importantly this last year I have learned who I am. So this is a poem I wrote, basking in the warm Kenyan sun, thinking about what my life has looked like in the last few months but I think it also speaks to the last year.


I have this wound on my finger
He is open and vulnerable
In the same way I am now
You can see his depth and sensitivity
In the same way you can see mine now
When I reach out to grasp something
He stutters back shocked by the pain it causes
In the same way I do now
Part of the pain is the aloneness in his suffering
I cradle his frailness in the evening light
Praying the sun expedites the healing process
The end is coming, the transformation will be beautiful
In the slowness, he holds on hoping with this new knowledge
In the same way I know now
-a

Dancing as Equals

I met Agie's (our house help) little girl today. She is so sweet and adorable. And I thought about how different our lives have been and will be. She will never have the education or travel experience I have had. She probably will never leave Kenya. And probably most her life she will have to work really hard to live life.
I think about the joy she finds in things like my camera or the lotion I bought her today. She has such joy in the way she lives her life. I want to understand. I want to know where she finds her happiness. Because looking around this place sometimes I think it's impossible to find.
It's true what they say about music being the great connector because this afternoon we danced around my room together as equals. And our joy was tossed carelessly about into the air. Agie shared with me part of her passion for life in that moment.
Dancing as equals...


Other times, the two of us sit in my room, for hours at a time. Just sitting, not saying a word with the music playing in the background, each in our own thoughts but still sharing. We share the air, this human function of breathing is this time what connects us. We haven't exchanged many words but my relationship exemplifies that there are times when communication is so much more than what we say.Although Agie's constant presence can be an annoyance because I am truly American and crave aloneness, I have come to long for this time we share together.
Agie teaching me to make Chapati! It's a very long process and lots of work, but the pay off is delicious.

Dad and Sue got kitties! This is Linus and Lucy.

I realized I have no pictures of my homestay up! So here is Nkita's house!

My room.

We went to lunch today at a friend's house and they had a tree house! So I found my way up the tree (eventually) and did some exploring.

Dan I found you're monkey!!!!!! Now I just have to catch him!

Childlike state.

Mindset I've come from: In displacing ourselves into a new and unfamiliar milieu, old, unresolved conflicts often start asking for attention. When our traditional defense systems no longer available and we are not able to control our own world, we often find ourselves experiencing again the feelings of childhood. The inability to express ourselves in words as well as the realization that everyone around us seems to understand life much better than we do, puts us in a situation quite similar to that of a child who has to struggle through the world of adults. -Henry Nouwen, Gracias!

Mindset I've come into: Instead of running away from these scary feelings, we can live through them together and learn that our true value as human beings has its seat far beyond our competence and accomplishments. One of the most rewarding aspects of living in a strange land is the experience of being loved not for what we can do, but for who we are. -Henry Nouwen, Gracias!

This shift in thinking has been so essential to my growth and learning here in Kenya. Coming out of this period of fear and isolation, I have learned to choose to reach out to those around me. Although it is at times hard work seeking refuge in the Kenyans around me has taught me more than any book. This last week has held some major transitions in my thinking and the product has allowed me to find joy here.

At Mahali I began my field work this week. What an experience! I have been going to the kid's homes to gather basic information about their homelife from their parents. This has been very eye opening because I get the opportunity to see how the children live. This is a typical home of the kids I've been working with. One room, cement floors, tin roof and walls. This is Maureen and her mother.

Off to find another home!


Another discovery is the lack of responsible male figures in the homes. 75% of the homes we've been to don't have a father present at all. The few that did have adult men in the house I found knew nothing about their children. (One dad didn't know his child's age!) Fatherlessness is an epidemic that plagues the majority of Kenyan youth.

The joy the kids of Mahali is simply amazing and inspiring. After seeing what they go home to everyday I would expect low energy, depressed children. Yet the human spirit is so beautiful and it endures through all hardships. And it is my belief that as long as love is present in their lives, these children will continue to thrive. As I spend more time with the kids I realize how much I really love children and want some. (Don't worry Mom I'm not getting any ideas!) They just have such a wonderful way of looking at the world, they offer great perspective on life.

I also did a very tourist like thing this week, I went to a game park! Well sort of, it was closer to a zoo in the States but I did get closer to the animals than you would be able to back home. Jules and I saw crocks, an ostrich, and a giraffe. The giraffe liked me alot and I wanted to take him home by the end of our time together.
These guys were vicious.

I didn't enjoy this guy so much but he was alot bigger in person than you would expect, no wonder they can't fly.

He was quite the charmer.

Yes, that is his tongue, gross.

Isn't he beautiful..

Daystar University Graduation

Some friends

Christian and I

Don't we look like life long friends!




Today was a much better day. Went to church and then to lunch with some new, good friends. Then went swimming! Sometimes I forget how something so simple as good community makes life a little easier.
Yesterday I went to Daystar University Graduation (the Christian university here). Wow it was very festive and long but a great experience.
After being sick for the 3rd time in 4 weeks I came home feeling very exhausted.
Here is a little excerpt of the feelings I captured yesterday:

My escape today was the hot shower, which I stood under and cried and cried and cried. I cried for myself. I cried for the four year old girl at my school that was raped last year. I cried for the buckets of water I was wasting for my own selfishness. I cried for the army of baby spiders on one side of my room who have decided they will take to biting me at night. I cried for I feel beaten. Overtaken by my circumstance, I am a failure at the game of Global Learning Term. How badly I want to throw in my towel and just fly home. I know sickness exemplifies everything I am just having a moment of dramatics. I know I will probably wake up tomorrow, drink a cup of chai, and probably be fine again. But there is the looming question, what if everything is not fine again?

Well everything was fine again, don't worry too much people. I must constantly remind myself how important it is in life to be stretched and pushed out of our daily comforts. Kenya has been a definite push but I am starting to see the light at the end. I know what I am capable of and I know how to acknowledge my weaknesses. I also know God is here, however he may look.